In college, I read a book by a French Catholic Jesuit, Jean Pierre de Caussade (1675–1751) called The Sacrament of the Present Moment (it’s a short book, and one that I’d highly recommend reading). It’s something that has been coming back into my mind recently as I think about these holy moments that we have with Caleb in these early weeks. Obviously, it’s easier to believe some of the moments are holier than others, depending on the volume of his screaming and the amount of his fussing, but to be able to hold him, look at his tiny little face and hands…is truly a blessing and a gift, a sacrament.
People say these moments go by so quickly, and so the challenge is to find ways (even, I suppose, in the midst of the craziness of his screams and bouts of fussiness) to really be striving to fully live in that present moment…in these precious moments with our son.
Jean Pierre de Causssade described this state as follows:
“The only condition necessary for this state of self-surrender is the present moment in which the soul, light as a feather, fluid as water, innocent as a child, responds to every movement of grace like a floating balloon. Such souls are like molten metal filling whatever vessel God choose to pour them into.”
So that’s my goal for the next few weeks…as Caleb continues to grow (and let me tell you – this boy is getting chunky!), continues to develop more and more of his personality, of his features…I will try more and more to find ways to allow myself to surrender to the present moment, to allow my soul to respond to movements of grace like a balloon…to cherish these early weeks with our son, even those times that I’m thinking some not-very-pleasant thoughts about him.