It’s been months since I’ve written on this blog. There’s probably lots of reasons for that…it’s been a stressful past 6 months or so. I’m going to be transitioning out of my current job in a couple months, and we don’t know what’s next for me. Turns out Caleb being 3 is not super easy. Sarah started a new full-time job in January and life is just a little bit crazy.
But, I did want to share something that I’ve been really enjoying recently. Caleb talks about Micah and Judah a fair amount – which I love. Sarah went to pick him up at pre-school last week and the teacher asked, “You don’t have other children, do you? Because Caleb has been saying that he has older brothers.”
There was some clarification with the teacher – but yes. Caleb does have two older twin brothers. And the fact that he refers to them as his older brothers…is so meaningful to me.
One of the Bibles that we read has a short prayer after the end of each story. With the Joseph story, the prayer is, “Dear God, help me to love my brothers and sisters.” Every time I read that story with Caleb, I ask him if he has brothers or sisters, and we talk a little bit about Micah and Judah.
It’s a sweet time, and fun to be able to share them with Caleb.
A few nights ago, Caleb kept saying that he wanted to read the Micah and Judah story.
I couldn’t figure out which one he was talking about – I didn’t think there was a story about Micah or Judah that we’d read in any of the children’s Bibles that we have. But he picked up one of them, and started flipping through it…until he came to the Joseph story. It’d been awhile since we’d read it, so I was still a little confused how it was the Micah and Judah story. But then we got to the prayer.
“Dear God, help me to love my brothers and sisters.”
Ahh.
Of course.
And we talked a bit about Micah and Judah again. I told him that while they were his older brothers, he was now a lot bigger than they ever got to be. I told him that it was sad that they weren’t around, but that they loved him, and it was okay for him to love them.
Talking about Micah and Judah feels pretty normal nowadays. Whenever Caleb talks about them, he also makes sure to add, “They aren’t here anymore. They dead.”
They dead. That’s right. And yet, as cliché as it sounds, they are very much alive in our home and in our hearts now.
And with Caleb.
Reading your blog brought me to tears….you are such a strong and amazing person.
Adam, in reading the piece you wrote for Mihee Kim-Kort, I noticed that Caleb and my son, Dean, have the same birthday (love that tax break!). Dean was born in 2005, and we had a miscarriage with our second child three years later. A few years ago, I began talking with Dean about it. He really attached to the idea that he has a brother (we never knew the child’s gender, but Dean decided it was a brother). He tells his friends that he has a brother who died before he was born. Pregnancy loss and infant death are subjects we avoid, especially with children. But I have found healing and Dean’s life has been enriched by our shared love for a child we never got to meet. I love that this child is still a part of the family, for all of us, and not just my private grief. I think it makes it easier for Dean to be an “only” child. And while it still hurts my heart sometimes to speak of him this way, I find it easier than opening up about my loss.
Thank you for your courage in sharing about yours.
Peace,
Amy Morgan
Hi Adam,
I appreciated reading your article. I stumbled across it in searching for the Neighbor’s Chorus lyrics, of all things. I hope you might consider teaching Caleb (My oldest son is named Caleb. He’s 19 and serving of mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in Liberia right now!:)– if you don’t already do so– that his big brothers are very much alive in heaven. Death really is just the beginning of life with God. 🙂 We are surrounded by the angels who have gone on ahead of us! We may cry tears for their absence, but they are very much alive!
Since this is the first post I’ve read, I don’t know your “story” or how you approach death. I hope you don’t mind sharing my feelings on death– there is no offense intended.
I look forward to reading your other articles.
Christine