Father’s Day. Another day that is fun for lots of people, hit or miss for others, and has the potential to bring great sorrow to many others.
This year I find myself in a very different place than last year on Father’s Day. Being a dad to Caleb is awesome – a true joy to see his smiles, his laughter and his personality continue to grow. The simply ability to ask him a question, “Do you LOVE dinner?” and have him respond like this is such a fun blessing:
Seeing Caleb continue to grow (and grow, and grow…today he was wearing 9 month clothes that fit perfectly on his 5.5 month old baby body) and develop does make me wonder, from time to time, what Micah and Judah would have been like, how they would have looked at 5.5 months, what different joys and challenges they would have brought into our lives. And it also reminds me that while many good-intentioned people today have been wishing me a wonderful “first” Father’s Day today…it’s not my first Father’s Day.
I’m not angry about it – and I can’t expect everyone to know what I’m thinking and feeling, or to always carry with them the memories of Micah and Judah, the way that Sarah and I do…but it’s important for me to remember this. It’s important for me to remember that this isn’t my first Father’s Day.
I became a father on October 25, 2010. The way I am a father today with Caleb is much different than how I was a father before Caleb…but nevertheless, I’ve been a father since 2010…a father of 3, 1 living.
Donna Wright says
Beautifully written! I have done many presentations on Loss and Grief and lots of therapy in that area and I think you and Sarah express things you feel so well, I personally believe in heaven and believe you will see Micah and Judah again. I don’t think anyone unless they have gone through the same thing can even begin to imagine what you and Sarah have been through. You and Sarah are in my thoughts and prayers. And you know that sweet Caleb is always in my heart! I love his laughter!