Two nights ago, it was my turn to put Caleb to bed. So I got the bottle, turned on the white noise, turned the lights off, swaddled him up, got into the rocking chair and started feeding him. 8oz later, he was still wide awake. Not. Cool.
So I tried some rocking, some pacifier-ing, some shushing…whatever has worked in the past, and after awhile, his eyes finally started to get heavy…closing slowly, then opening again…then closing…and I thought we were there. I thought my job was done. And then…his eyes opened ever so slightly, he tilted his head up at me just a bit, and then the biggest smile started to creep across his mouth…
Oh that smile…I was still shushing him, but it’s hard to shush when you start to smile, so I started to laugh a little bit, and his smile got bigger as well…
We both knew this going to sleep business is serious…this was the goal of our time together. And there was almost a little twinkle in his eye that said, “I know…I know…this is not helping the process, but c’mon, look at me, I’m so cute…you can’t deny that!”
It was in that moment when I just gave up on the shushing…just gave up on the fact that I really, really wanted to get him sleeping so I could relax…and just sat there in that moment, gazing, and laughing, and smiling and loving my son. My heart was so full at that moment, and in so many moments throughout the day. Now, obviously, there are other moments when my heart is full of other things that aren’t joyful, or happy, or sweet or G-rated, but thank God that there are these other moments…the moments that melt your heart…and that cause you to fall in love over, and over and over again with these beautiful little bundles of joy and snot and shit and pee and innocence and love.
Leave a Reply