This morning I woke up and was going through my normal routine in bed: check email, check Twitter, check Facebook, read blogs, update iPhone Apps, check Twitter again and prepare to get out of bed. And then one of the Pregnancy Apps that I have on my phone sent a notification that we were now 18 weeks pregnant (but I think that means we’re actually starting the 19th week – I often get confused which week to tell people).
18 weeks.
I remember during our first pregnancy, this blog was very active. I was posting all sorts of musings about becoming a dad, polls and questions for readers and other things that were on my mind.
But it’s different this time.
Sarah and I were having more conversations last time about baby stuff, strollers (what brand to get), baby showers, baby registries, cribs, etc. I was reading through The Expectant Father and reading a ton of daddy blogs.
But it’s different this time.
Perhaps there was so much on our minds because it was twins, and maybe that made us hyper-active in trying to think through all of what that was going to mean for us and how much it was going to change our lives. I don’t really know – but it does feel different this time.
I think that for me…it probably has to do with some nerves and fear that something will go wrong again. I don’t really have any reasons to think that; all of the appointments with the doctor have been very positive and she doesn’t see any need to be concerned that we’re going to have any issues with this pregnancy. But I still find myself having a hard time believing it.
It took a few months, but I was so ready last time. I was ready to be a father. I was ready to hang with my two boys…and then that was taken away from me after just spending one short hour with them. And I can’t even begin to fathom that happening again…so perhaps that’s what it causing some disconnection for me with this pregnancy. Perhaps some of that will change after we get past the 20 week mark. I don’t know, but I’m hoping so.
Hang in there Adam. I continue to pray that God will lessen the burden of worry for you and Sarah.
Thinking of you lots and praying for you often. Thanks for sharing…
Adam, you are an amazing leader of youth, you are fun, quirky, and have an infectious laugh. I believe in you and your parenting skills. While I am not usually one to pray I am keeping you in my prayers. I pray so that the grace of god may shine his light upon you, Sarah, and your family.