So I’ve been waiting to do a little bit of a redesign/update on this blog.
But I wanted to wait until we passed that magical number of weeks: 12. I didn’t want to make changes to the site and then…have something happen. So I waited until 12 weeks. That’s what they tell you, right? Make it to 12 and then you’re good to go.
Well, we obviously know that’s not true.
And part of what going to grief groups for parents who lose babies does to you, is that it makes you realize all of the other shit that can happen. We hear about successful pregnancies all the time – and that can cause us to forget about all of the things that can go wrong. You can have an incredibly normal, healthy pregnancy for 40 weeks, and then give birth to a stillborn baby.
These are obviously NOT the things you want to think about while you’re pregnant, but after going through a trauma like losing babies, it’s pretty hard NOT to think about them.
But we passed the first hurdle. 12 weeks. And the doctors said our ultrasound looked just fine; nothing to worry about.
And now we look forward to the second hurdle. For us, I’m guessing that’s going to be getting to 20 weeks. We lost Micah and Judah just shy of the 20 week mark, and so I imagine our anxiety and nerves increasing pretty dramatically around week 19. At least that’s how it’s going to be for me.
But there is nothing I can do about that.
What I can do is be thankful for things being good now…and just trust that things will continue on in the same vein. To do anything else, to constantly worry and stress about the unknowns and things that are out of my control, would just be paralyzing I imagine. And so…I am thankful. We are thankful. And we just take each day as it comes to us.