Sunday was the first time back in church since we lost Judah and Micah. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect – but it was hard. I was in worship for the morning service, assisted with serving communion, and then was also in a short chapel service in the evening.
I found it very hard to pray, to sing hymns…basically, I found it very challenging to just be present and worship.
God and I shared some words the week that they died. Actually, it was more me yelling at God and then waiting for something…anything from God. And nothing really came. So, it’s not easy to want to be in prayer with God right now. It’s helpful to know that there are others who are lifting us up in prayer and praying for us during this time, because I’m finding it too difficult. I’m hoping that the next few weeks will be easier, because I’m supposed to be preaching on November 28th. I think that’s going to be hard.
Melissa DeRosia says
We aren’t only lifting you and Sarah up in prayer, we are doing the praying for you. As you find yourself in worship know that your community of faith is praying for you, singing the hymns for you, and being present for you. Over the years I have found great comfort and peace through hard times believing that my community of faith was doing it for me and carrying me along the way.
Kally Elliott says
Hey Adam –
I had to preach a few weeks after the most awful crisis in my life and I spent the whole time hashing out my feelings with God – and then trying to add good news to it. I preached from Psalm 22 where the psalmist basically cries out, “Where the HELL are you GOD!???”
I know we are taught in seminary not to preach to ourselves – but really – I needed to speak it, preach it, and work through it. I hope and even *think* it brought some words of challenge and hope to the congregation. I found that it helped me to process the crisis and find language to deal with it, or at least work through it.
Praying for you and Sara in this awful time. I haven’t experienced your pain but I’ve experienced my own and it sucks.
katie says
To add to what Kally said, I too have found that there are benefits to preaching to myself. Typically what I’m going through, someone else is as well. And if we’re willing to work things out with fear and trembling and anger and authenticity with this God who claims us, I think others are wiling to give it a try too. Still praying for you and Sara.