I wanted to briefly share with you the results of our first Dazed Dad poll. The question wasn’t worded well, and I think the votes reflect that. The question was “What is the average length of paternity leave for working fathers?” The question should have been worded more like, “What should working fathers receive for paternity leave?” Although, perhaps it is revealing to know that when you add together the top two answers, almost 44% said that fathers normally get 1-2 weeks of paternity leave. And that doesn’t sound like much at all.
Below the jump you’ll see the results (including the 14 “Other answers…” listed) and a short reflection on why I think these are sad results.
Poll Results
Total Votes: 78
- 2 weeks: 18 votes (23.08%)
- 1 week: 16 votes (20.51%)
- Other answer: 14 votes (17.95%)
- 4 weeks: 13 votes (16.67%)
- 6 weeks: 13 votes (16.67%)
- Time off? Umm, can’t my wife handle it: 3 votes (I hope you all were KIDDING) (3.85%)
- Forget work – I have babies!!!!: 1 vote (1.28%)
Here are the “Other answers”:
- Want to know how much is average or how much SHOULD get? Avg: 1; should 6 wks
- 2-4 weeks; check cong, UMC dist/conf and presby fam leave guidelines
- 3 weeks
- three years in and still at home
- I think I took at least 8 weeks, but still did some Sabbath work.
- 2-4 weeks
- 3 weeks
- Sam was born the last week of the fall semester which meant John had 6-7 weeks
- I took 2 days off. But my 2 were 3 years apart. (I also work at a church)
- Less than a week
- 8 years and counting
- I took 3 weeks off
- a couple of days unless there are special issues
What does all of this mean?
It would be interesting if I ran the poll again and asked what people thought fathers/partners should get. It seems that many of the dad blogs that I’ve been reading have talked about the importance of the fathers/partners being able to get in some quality bonding time during those first few weeks. And it’s a shame that more companies and businesses don’t allow for the father or partner to get a decent paid paternity leave to spend time adjusting to that new life.
It’s interesting, of course, how times have changed. When I was born around 30 years ago, my mom said that my dad probably got a couple days off of work – but certainly not much more than that. And while times have changed, and while some fathers are able to negotiate for appropriate and gracious paternity leave packages – you just have to read some of the comments on the initial post, “Poll: Paternity Leave” to hear stories of folks who have still struggled today to get a just paternity leave.
This will all be especially important as we are expecting twins, and I may need to get time off before the twins are born, depending on how Sarah’s pregnancy turns out. I’m confident that we have a very caring and compassionate community that we are a part of right now, and so they will be supportive of what our needs are.
Thanks to everyone who voted on the poll and left comments – this has all been extremely helpful!
Adam McLane says
I think a few days or up to a week is plenty. Honestly, Adam… The first 2-3 weeks you’ll have plenty of help from friends and parents. And they sleep like 15 hours a day! Really, there will be little for you to do. If there aren’t complications you should be able to go back to work within a few days or a week. I would think you’d want to alter your schedule from a month out until a year as that’s when exhaustion sets in!
Dave says
I am blessed to get 53 days off for paternity leave, without taking any vacation, sick, or personal time. Yes, that means I get 10.5 weeks off. And I have the option to add additional paid time off if I have it.
Amy says
I said two weeks, but my husband’s two weeks were actually his annual vacation time. I didn’t realize that paid paternity leave was a common thing!
Jess says
I’m surprised to read about any “official” paternity leave in the US. I think it is something you really have to push for and define w/your particular job.
I would imagine that your church will allow you to have a very flexible schedule leading up to and after the birth, but I would be surprised if you had longer than 2 weeks of work off completely.
That being said, I would see if your church would be willing to form a “care team” to help with meals, etc…before and for the first few months after (at least 3). 🙂
Sarah E says
Adam- I know many congregations/presbyteries/other judicatories have done a lot in the past 5-10 years to standardize time off for families welcoming children thru birth or adoption. Don’t know what policies your congregation/conference have in place and am sure you are looking into them. Staggered/overlapping family leave post-delivery is actually helpful, too – grandparents in at different times, you off for some time before they come or after they leave to give you and Sarah some time alone with each other and the babies, etc.
What will be really helpful is managing a flexible schedule as the babies grow and get sick/have doctor appointments, Sarah has writing/teaching, you have work/congregational responsibilities – juggling these things for YEARS is the long-haul part of parenting.
And you’ll figure it out as you go. Trust me. You and Sarah will, with the help of our families and friends and God.
Holly M says
Dude I’m sure the church would be cool with you taking time of. In fact, there will probably be people lined up to help you out haha!
Cherice says
It’s true you’ll have a lot of help those first wks I’d imagine, but it’s still a major adjustment and Sarah will really appreciate someone helping!!! There will be plenty for you to do. Especially with two, I’m sure! They sleep a lot, but not at convenient times. And Sarah will be recovering from birth. But if you only get a couple wks out of your vacation, it’s true you probably want most of it when there aren’t others around to help.
Paul Tilley says
A little l8 with this but in the UK we get 2 weeks paternity leave, gov were talking about upping that. However, as a farther of 2 yr old twin boys I do think that farther of twins should have more, as its a totally new ball game to singletons!