While the doctor was doing our very first ultrasound, and after she told us that we were pregnant with twins, I turned to Sarah and said, “So – I guess this means I’m going to need to take a full week off from work now, huh?”
Of course, I was joking, but paternity leave is something that I really don’t know much about. Our first poll on Dazed Dad has to do with paternity leave. I work full-time as a minister in a church and will be having some conversations with folks at church about paternity leave in the next few weeks. Timing works out pretty well for Sarah – as she will have finished her course work for her PhD this fall, and so doesn’t have to mess with trying to figure out how to get time off from work.
But as far as what is normal for fathers who work – I’d be interested in hearing what those of you who have had children have done. Down below the jump, you’ll find an interactive poll that you can use to leave your response as to how long fathers should take off for paternity leave. Please select one of the options, or add your own if you want.
Thanks in advance for all of your thoughts and comments on this issue.
I have 3 kids and my advice is to take as much as time as you can. You’ll have very few opportunities in your life to connect with your kids in this way. With our 2nd an 3rd kids, I took 8 and 12 weeks off respectively. That time together was very special and I think that as babies, they were more open to letting me take care of them. With our first, I didn’t have that relationship and she only wanted her mom until she was about 18 months old. Good luck!
I hear what Brian is saying, I probably would have stayed out longer myself, but didn’t have that option, financially speaking.
My Presbytery gave me 6 weeks off the first time. As my wife and I are expecting our 2nd child, I have requested 8 weeks off. Those first few weeks I was in a daze from both sleep deprivation and the joy of caring for our new born child. It was an incredible time for me as a first time father and I needed all that time to get acclimated to being a parent for the first time. If you can get more time off, the better. Those first few weeks were both challenging and wonderful. Prayers for you and your wife!
presbytery policy for us is two weeks. I’m asking my church for four, especially since we are doing an adoption and the bonding time is really quite a bit important.
Hope you don’t run into any issues with getting your 4 weeks Jim….I’m excited for you btw, don’t know if I said congrats or not.
I voted for one week since you asked what the average time off is for dads, not what have I taken or would recommend.
I’ve had three weeks paid paternity leave written in to every terms of call I’ve negotiated. It is much easier to get it up front then ask for it after you’ve been there for a while. Obviously, it would be great if it could be longer. It would be an incredible help to church workers if all Presbyteries (or there other denominational equivalents) would draft fair family leave policies so that individuals didn’t have to advocate for themselves on a church by church basis.
Thanks for the clarification Shawn…….I should have worded that better. I had hoped people were voting on how much they THINK dads should get off but you’re right, I didn’t word it exactly right.
It would be good to have that a policy like that in effect that was fair and set in stone….especially for first-time fathers who aren’t exactly sure what they’re getting into, or how much time they should be requesting off…
I was lucky enough with the twins that my employer (The Presbyterian Church in Canada) offers up to 10 weeks at full pay – actually a top-up from the 55% provided by the government.
With the first two, I could rely only on the 55% government benefit, so I think I only took 3 or 4 weeks.
Obviously, it’s a very personal choice since it depends so much on the circumstances of your employer and government benefits. I’m not sure I could have taken any if I’d had to give up my income entirely.
My husband only took a couple days off from his secular job. But then took more days here and there in the first few weeks. I wish he could have taken more but the way vacation and FMLA worked in the timing of the year didn’t make that possible.
Our presbytery policy is 2 weeks: It is also recommended that a two-week leave of absence with full pay be granted to the father of any newly born or adopted child. This leave shall be taken within the first three months of the child’s life or the time of adoption.
Because my daughter was a preemie and had to stay in the NICU, I split my time off. I took 1 week off when she was born, and then 1 week off when she came home. I would love to have taken more time to be at home with her, but bills get in the way.
I got 3 weeks off, but now our company has moved that to 4 weeks. Whoo hoo!!!! Did you read the article on Slate about Sweedish time off at 18 months. That is a break!
We’re expecting our first in October. I’ve been trying to nail down how much time I will get off – but there’s no mention of it here in our Handbook. Sadly, I only receive 2 weeks of paid vacation – and – they’re long gone. I have lots of sick leave, but that will probably only cover what I need to care for my wife while she’s in the hospital.
I would love to have a whole week off, but it’s probably not likely – It’s times like these that I am glad to have a good staff around me though – I know they’ll do what they can to help me really enjoy these moments!
I agree with everyone who says take advantage of the time you can. I can’t remember whether I took 8 or 12 weeks with my second son, but I do remember that I modified work so that I came in for Sabbath services and then worked at home the rest of the time so that I was available as a full partner in parenting.
You will not regret being there for your family, and I’m sure your wife will appreciate all the support you can give.
Best wishes… it should all go healthy and well.
Rick – thanks for the thoughts…..the more I talk to people (and talk to parents of twins) the more I realize that getting that bonding time in at the beginning (and being there to help Sarah with everything) is going to be key.
I would take as much time as possible. When we had our twins, I took 6 weeks off and it was wonderful time. It was also very necessary for my wife to have me there as she was recovering from a very difficult pregnancy and needed me there. Ask you wife also how much she wants you to take
One of the smartest responses someone has given here….granted that everyone’s situations will be different with work, etc., but “ask your wife how much she wants you to take….” – that is pretty damn smart.
What do they say….?
Happy wife? Happy life.
My husband works outside the church and so he was only able to get one week off. But, he’s company did let him work for home for the first 8 weeks or so. That was a blessing beyond measure!
I also voted as to what happened w/ us vs. the desired time.
W/our first, Troy pretty much only got time off when I was in the hospital and had to go back right away (working at St. Arbucks at the time). W/our second, we were finishing up PTS, so no time off, but a more flexible schedule of sorts. W/our third, Troy didn’t work out anything formal, but the church was pretty good about him having a flexible schedule for the first 2 months. However, I love what a previous poster said about having it officially in the terms of call from the get go…very smart! I don’t think we are “planning” on any more kids, but it is probably a good thing to include until we Know For Sure we won’t be having any more kids. 😉
My wife and I are expecting our first any day now!
My presbytery has no policy on paternity leave, and when I asked my church personnel committee to consider it, they said, “No.” (Evidently father-child bonding is best left to the unemployed and to Europeans.) I must confess I was a little surprised when the committee used my inquiry into paternity leave to begrudge the presbytery mandated vacation days (4 weeks).
That said, I’m taking a week of vacation.
Next call, I’m going to ask for at least two weeks in the terms up front.
Wow – really sorry about that. That sucks…I’ll be having that conversation in the next few months…from what I’ve heard, having it written in to the terms of call is going to be an important thing…
Something they should tell us about in seminary.
You might want to consider the time after everyone leaves (grandparents and such) as the most important time for you to take off. Right after a birth you are so overwhelmed with support that you feel pretty useless. After a week everyone leaves and THAT is when parenting and partnering kicks in!