One year ago today our sons, Micah and Judah, were born. We were so terrified and excited about the idea of twins. And yet, we were only given an hour or so with them.
This past week we were in New York visiting Sarah’s family, and I was able to hold Skylar, my niece. It was an amazing thing to hold her and just watch her – such a precious baby. And while I was holding her, and her little body was wiggling around in my hands…I was transported back to the hospital room in Labor & Delivery at Kaiser Walnut Creek. I was transported back to the one hour that I was able to hold Micah and Judah. There bodies were so tiny compared to Skylar, but for the one hour that they were born, I could feel the tiniest of movements as their bodies squirmed around, and as they fought and struggled to breathe.
Today was the one year anniversary of their births…and their deaths. Sarah and I decided to light two candles spend some time remembering their lives by looking through their memory box today. We pulled out the hospital blankets they were wrapped in, some matching clothes and toys that we had bought for them specifically…a few cute little tank-tops and hats from Kauai, where we first found out we were pregnant.
While we may find different ways to honor their lives over the years, this was a good way for us to do it today. We entered back into the events of the day together (if you are new to this blog, you can find those events detailed in posts here and here), talked about the various people who sent us gifts and shared some thoughts about the past year. We also re-read An Offering that was written by one of my best friends, Steve. I offer it again to you below as a prayer and a way to remember and honor the lives of Micah and Judah Walker Cleaveland. Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts today.
An Offering
Steve Papineau • October 26, 2010
Micah who resembles God, in your smallness, in your innocence, in your brevity
Judah, praised one, in your smallness, in your innocence, in your brevity
know that you are loved
we cry for longing for the hour you were with us
our garments are torn
know that you are loved
Micah who resembles God, in the immensity of your place in our hearts, in your innocence, in your eternity
Judah, praised one, in the immensity of your place in our hearts, in your innocence, in your eternity
know that you are loved
we cry for longing for the hours you will not be with us
our garments are torn
know that you are loved
Lee says
Hey,
I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now.
Mm girlfriend and I lost our boy at the end of july, we went into the hospital thinking she was in labour but they couldn’t find a heartbeat and we’d lost him. She was 4 days over due.
It’s nice to read something like your blog, from another Dads point of view since I don’t know anyone who this has happened to.
You seem to be coping really well and the fact you’re expecting again brings hope to ourselves and wish you the best.