Sarah and Caleb left to fly back home to Rochester, NY tonight. Sarah’s mom is throwing her a baby shower, and I’ll be joining her later this week after I speak at a conference in Richmond, VA. As I dropped Sarah and Caleb off at the airport, I found myself thinking about Micah and Judah. They would have been about 8 months old right now. I can’t even fathom how different our lives would be right now if we had twin boys. I’m sure we’d be crazy stressed, sleep deprived and everything…I’d be changing diapers like a boss. But we’d have two precious little baby boys.
Their short lives and deaths were tragic, and forever changed the people who we are. There is certainly no replacing them, but I am very aware that we would not have Caleb Elijah without their deaths. Such an odd thing to think about. And we are so excited about the birth of Caleb (Sarah probably just a tad bit more than me…we’re in the third trimester now, and he’s making things a little uncomfortable for her at times).
Today is October 15: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I lit two candles for Micah and Judah tonight, and I remember their short lives. Just 10 days from now will be the one year anniversary of their death. Seems like such a long time ago – but yet, if I close my eyes and allow myself to relive those memories…it seems like it was just yesterday. I imagine that’s how it’s going to be. There has definitely been healing over the past year, and for that I am grateful. But they will always be with me.