I had to do a Google search to find a photo of a positive pregnancy test because I didn’t take a photo of ours. And that bothers me. But I’ll get to that in a bit.
Sarah and I vacationed in Hawaii this past July. Like, a real vacation. Not an “okay – which set of parents are we going to visit this time” kind of vacation (we love our parents, but those aren’t real vacations). No, this was a real “Hey – let’s go to Hawaii and eat, drink, read books and lay out on the beach by ourselves” kind of vacation. It was the first time for both of us, we rented a little house close to the beach and flew over for a week in paradise.
We had a good time, except for getting one of the worst sunburns on my back I’ve ever had in my life. But then Sarah started to wonder about something…she was more than a few days late…and then she said, “I think we need to go to the grocery store and find a pregnancy test.”
I couldn’t believe she was really saying this. Not like I don’t understand how these things work. We had decided a few months earlier that it was time to start trying for kids, so I obviously knew that this was going to be a possible natural outcome based on our decision. But I just hadn’t imagined that it would happen so fast.
So we drove from our house in Poipu up to Big Save in Koloa. We grabbed a couple pregnancy tests, some Aloe Vera for me and a couple other random things and got in line. Behind us came a few college kids who saw what we had put on the conveyer belt. We laughed later about what must have been going through their minds: “Wow dude…that’s got to suck – way to ruin a vacation in Hawaii….”
We got home – Sarah did what women do with these things (I think it’s okay for me to be ignorant about such things) – and then she said, “Okay – go over and look at it.” I walked over and saw a little blue plus sign. As I was walking over, I had asked, “So what should I be looking for?” Sarah replied, “A little blue plus sign – that means we’re pregnant.” So, like I said, I walked over and saw a little blue plus sign. Sarah asked, “So? What is it?” My response was a bit apprehensive and our conversation went something like this:
Adam: “Well – I see something – but I’m confused. It’s a little blue plus sign.”
Sarah: “What are you confused about?”
Adam: “Well, I don’t quite get how it could be positive.”
Sarah: “Really? You want me to go into that?”
Adam: “I’m confused. How could that happen? How could that happen so quick?”
And I didn’t take a photo of it. I feel like if I were to see that sign right now, I’d be jumping for joy, taking photos of it to memorialize the happy occasion and wanting to have a copy of that moment in history when our lives changed. But there…on vacation in Poipu…I just sat down on the bed. Confused.
I think I liked the idea – hypothetically, of course – of having kids. It made sense to me. We’d been married for just over 4 years – that seemed to be an appropriate time to start moving into the “parenting” phase of our marriage. And it wasn’t like this was something Sarah sprung on me as a surprise – I knew what I was getting into. We were trying to have kids. And yet – at that moment…I don’t know…I just didn’t know what to think about that little blue plus sign.
Four and a half months later, I know exactly what I think about that little blue plus sign. I want it back. I want to do that day over again and be more excited than anything for these future little babies (of course I wouldn’t have known about the twins then) that we would get to raise and parent…well, if everything went like it’s supposed to. But it doesn’t always go like it’s supposed to.